this book is just really very good. i can't say more because: "The story of The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is very difficult to describe. Usually we give some clues about the book on the jacket, but in this case we think that would spil the reading of the book. We think it is important that you start to read without knowing what it is about.
If you do start to read this book, you will go on a journey with a nine-year0old boy called Bruno. (Though this isn’t a book for nine-year-olds.) And sooner or later you will arrive with Bruno at a fence.
Fences like this exist all over the world. We hope you never have to encounter such a fence."
....
i came back sunday night and felt a little tired, whereas little is quite the stretchable term, isn't it.
this week's course on powerpoint started and i feel like stfu...
nottingham ... i survived halo. great. i've been to derbyshire. matlock. heights of abraham. muddy. quite the oily fish'n'chips.
lions after slumber: "my demands 'n' my angels 'n' my waiting 'n' my distance. my death, my curtness, my insulin, my memory." who(')re scritti politti anyway, to me at least?
the person who wanted to move in, quite amiably cancelled and i am seriously pissed. but we'll have some people here this afternoon when i in fact should be in the other flat, maybe a little more painting.
i also read this book loose girl by kerry cohen and it made me very sad at points because maybe on some level i could very nicely relate to the stuff.
now, there is rushdie waiting now and i guess i better start reading serious things for my bachelorette-paper, too.
there you go, nothing too exciting.
of fences
so there was terminator
it has ended, the formal part at least. we're going to have curry later on.
so, every group this afternoon presented their work which either dealt with terminator (us), the wizard of oz or battleship potemkin. we had the idea, as posted before, to kind of create a visual duetting screen that subtexted the whole thing sexually. so, we went to that fancy second hand shop (massive!) and bought 80s style clothes ... we then decided on shooting right there in a small gateway. it was quite funny, though nerveracking at times to cut in camera. our frames basically showed the lower body parts and in there we had wuite the sexual tension (or healing) going on. several quite remarkable movements within that scene of terminator we shot in a kind of music-video, very bright kind of way. it was too funny and i hope we'll get a recording of it. there was sexual healing sung by sarah connor (why does she has that name?!?) on top of it :)
our film was projected right under the projection of terminator.
i liked it a lot.
during the discussion afterwards i felt a little silly because what i really wanted to say, couldn't seriously be said without exposing me or the person i was speaking about.
let's just say that all in all it was an amazing group of people i met here. some of them i would not really want to work with again, but the majority just really puzzled me by their brilliance, humour and ideas. lovely.
there is this wonderful cemetry closeby, i think there will be one new schwarzesnossen vid quite soon featuring that.
as for the weekend. let's just say there was no time until now to really see a lot of what nottingham might still be having for ust, so maybe we will jsut explore a little. and i need to have some shopping done. i already bought mint and tea tree oil shower gel and was reminded of a and my lost brochure somewhere in bedfordshire. well, the times when things seemed possible ...
i like being here a lot.
will shower now although that might not be of importance to you. but i will and now you know.
luv frum tuna.
closer or further away?
You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you
(Help me...)
I broke apart my insides
(Help me...)
I've got no soul to sell
(Help me...)
The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself,
I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God
You can have my isolation
You can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
You can have my everything
(Help me...)
You tear down my reason
(Help me...)
It's your sex I can smell
(Help me...)
You make me perfect
Help me become somebody else
I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God
Through every forest
Above the trees
Within my stomach
Scraped off my knees
I drink the honey, inside your hive...
You are the reason I stay alive...
....
i am in nottingham at the moment. that's right. and it is for a workshop. we are quite the international group and it's interesting seeing all those people interact so differently and place oneself within that context. nine inch nails came to my mind right after i have designed a corporate identity for mecklenburg-vorpommern. it's great. we've got a whole house for us and i'd love to move in here. it's lovely.
i also bought a single-use black and white camera and am loving it.
tomorrow we'll do a remake of "terminator" creating a kind of sexual subtext. maybe closer is the more appropriate way of doing so than having sexual healing? we'll see.
well then, i hope the bed bugs won't bite tonight.
this is me for sit-up-britain. searching for-tuna. maybe fortuna will show herself later on.
still waiting.
leaving. again.
i am just about to go to the airport where a plane will wait for me to east midlands. whoa, i was never there and it still feels like "finally, i am going back (home(?))". i'll be working with an international group in a workshop by performance collective gob squad and it'll be great!
well, preparing always makes me wanna scream. so i did, internally.
by the by, saturday we had this conference and eiszeit was taken very well and discussed quite interestingly. the forum itself was quite relaxed and there was a very nice exchange of opinions during and afterwards with the afterwards slightly less polite which i liked. well, not impolite, don't get me wrong, just probably a little more on the honest side of things and that is something you can always catch me with.
lg and i started recording for our interactive audio walk which can be heard during the hörspielfestival in klosterpark altzella, close to dresden the weekend of 19th/20th. to put it simple, people will walk with mp3players through the park, which is lovely by the way, and will hear sounds and do things which we propose them before on a piece of paper. like hugging trees and telling them their secrets. or leaving traces on the floor. or whispering a confession of love. we'll see. but there are really quite interesting intermedialities at ear- and eyesight, i presume.
well, i guess i should be going.
bought fantastic shoes today by the way, and a shirt, and a pair of trousers. as being sensationally priced and needed i could not seriously resist. well.
and - my room is rented, at last. great.
i had a horrible dream that ended with me fighting some very good looking person on a staircase about who would fall and be dead. i won.
nothing compared to the one dream lately where i couldn't help but experience a sexual encounter with one person who accidentally really is not unimportant these days. well, we need to dream, right.
ah, and i packed, right. but just for nottingham.
not for the new apartment. this whole move is going to be quite disastrous. too many things and too little i would like to get rid off.
whhhha, i am going nuts over that person from that dream. that second. and i can't help it. and it can't be helped.
partly read. levinas "die zeit und der andere".
"Dies gehört also zusammen: Freiheit des Ich und ihre Materialität. Die erste Freiheit, die davon herrührt, dass sich im anonymen Sein ein Seiendes erhebt, fordert als Preis: das Definitive des an sich selbst gefesselten Ich. Dieses Definitive des Seienden, das die Tragik der Einsamkeit ausmacht, ist die Materialität. Die Einsamkeit ist nicht deshalb tragisch, weil sie Entzug des anderen ist, sondern weil sie in die Gefangenschaft ihrer Identität eingeschlossen ist, weil sie Materie ist. Die Fesselung der Materie sprengen heißt, das Definitive der Hypstase sprengen. Heißt, in der Zeit sein. Die Einsamkeit ist eine Abwesenheit der Zeit. Die gegebene Zeit, die als sie selbst hypostasierte, erfahrene Zeit, die durchlaufende Zeit, durch die hinduch das Subjekt seine Identität trägt, ist eine Zeit, die unfähig ist, die Verbindung der Hypostase zu lösen." (31)
the dying animal
"what do i mean by ridiculous? what is ridiculousness? relinquishing one's freedom voluntarily - that is the definition of ridiculousness. if your freedom is taken from you by force, needless to say you're not ridiculous, except to the one who has forcibly taken it. but whoever gives his freedom away, whoever is dying to give it away, enters the realm of the ridiculous that brings the most famous of ionesco's plays to mind and is a source of comedy throughout literature. the one who is free may be mad, stupid, repellent, in misery just because he is free, but he is not ridiculous. he has a dimension as a being."
philip roth "the dying animal"
come and see the time_s
would be too happy to see you there :)
suddenly there was this major flood and climbed my bodies
:)
spent some time painting walls. now it's grey(t).
will have learned in-design through following week and it will be a weak-long-process indeed.
my hand is not numb no more.
i saw the big tummy of the future mummy.
too hot for fluent speech.
untolerable
it's the semi-finals. my neighbourhood, i am sitting here, trying to think, catching the sounds from the downstairs pub that is frequented by nationalist people:
minute 22: they seriously are yelling "die deutschen sind wieder da" (the germans are back) and even worse ... the h-word that went with hitler is chanted.
bloody hell, where do i live ...
minute 37: "hurensohn" (son of a bitch) with the free kick for turkey.
minute 41: emo-löw dissapears for a little while.
minute 44: rolfes is back (after this cut was suturated): "so sehen sieger aus. la la la la la." (winners look like this)
halftime: barbecue and polonnaise supplemented by "SO gehn die DEUTSCHEN, die DEUTSCHEN, die gehn so" (this is how germans walk) and bangers.
minute 46: "deutschland, deutschland, deutschland ist die macht" (germany is the power/force/strength)
minute 50: "hurensohn hurensohn hu hu hu hurensohn"
minute 51: "deutschland deutschland über alles" (germany over everything)
"die leitungen aus basel sind unterbrochen. wir bitten um etwas geduld" (no picture on the screen) -> "deutschland! deutschland! deutschland!"
"ein deutscher musst du sein!" (you have to be a german)
"es gibt einen deutschen meister. deutschland! deutschland! ist die macht!" (there is a german master/champion)
still no picture on the screen. "bildausfall" (no picture) (how hilarious)
just sound.
yelling downstairs.
fireworks.
still no picture (time: 22:06)
picture is there again at 22:07 at least 3 minutes none.
minute 66: "steht auf, wenn ihr deutsche seid ... bleibt stehn, wenn ihr türken hasst." (stand up germans. stand when you hate turks. - can't see inside the pub. maybe they're still standing)
minute 71: bangers
minute 72: "hurensöhne" (sons of bitches) (very creative ...)
22:21 again no picture
"oh no " ... "deutschland, deutschland ist die macht"
22:22 picture
minute 78: second goal germany. bangers. fireworks. yells.
"wir deutschen sind wieder da" (we germans are back)
minute 81: can't understand what they're chanting
minute 84: marching lock-steps "so gehn die deutschen, die deutschen, die gehn so"
minute 85: second goal turkey "hurensohn hurensohn hu hu hu hurensohn"
minute 86: some person ran on the field.
minute 89: third goal germany. yells, fireworks
"deutschland deutschland deutschland"
"deutschland deutschland deutschland ist die macht"
minute 91: "steht auf, wenn ihr deutsche seid"
"hu hu hu hurensohn"
minute 93: fireworks, bangers.
"finale!" ...
"deutschland deutschland ist die macht"
"wir zeigen der welt, wer wir sind" (we show the world who we are)
"raus ihr säcke" "heil heil heil" (piss off assholes)
"deutschland deutschland ist die macht"
they form a circle: very calm and hooded: "so feiern die türken" (this is how the turks celebrate) and yelling, arms up "so feiern die deutschen" (this is how the germans celebrate)
polonnaise on the street to the other pub "so sehn sieger aus" fraternizing with other public viewing crowd (?) back: "so gehn die deutschen, die deutschen, die gehn so"
"ordentlich hintereinander" (walk orderly) through the megaphone
"lasst uns unsere fahne hissen, unserm gegner vor die füße pissen. zeigt ihm, zeigt ihm, wer wir sind!" (let's fly our flag, let's piss in front of our combatants' feet. show them who we are)
"kreuzberg ist scheiße."
"que sera, die deutschen sind wieder da, besoffen wie jedes jahr" (we germans are back again, pissed as every year)
chor chants: "sieg. sieg sieg ist mein name. sieg!" (victory is my name) woman instantly afterwards: "heil! (pause) sollt ihr nach hause kommen!" (heil (pause) you should be on your way home)
rhythmic fireworks, with every one: "heil"
"ich liebe deutsche-land"
...................
how?
blurred
time went.
left.
sanity got the bigger part.
bigger part went.
left.
right.
sleep got the smaller part.
smaller part went.
left.
me.
where.
me went.
left me.
alone.
ladies and gentlemen
jennifer, and i would like to quote myself, "who actually has the body and face and age of a to-be-soon-called-topmodel. she is just the apparently only sane choice an agent would do" - is germany's next topmodel! was she my private and professional favourite from the very first look or was she not? i confess that professionally i would have thought vanessa was superb, too, but she went by her own choice, something i have never really lamented about here. so that's my tears for vanessa who looked so incredibly beautiful ...........
thereby found future profession. i'll go and cast people. that's right. but for everything, not only just modelling.
anyhow, had a gig in magnet last friday. came back home 6. the beer. p out so long. g- wowwowowowowow!! thanks a lot for coming to c?, fe, fs, jg, ??, mb, pk, sk, sk. maybe chance of breakthrough went by. was nice hearing nothing but birds on the way back.
went to table dance bar saturday. came back home 5. the mirrored stage, the pole, the shabbyness, the "mother superior", the cheap drinks, the easyness of getting inside, the copied dollars, the smell, the us army sergeant who asked whether or not i worked there. good to have talked with m about it later that night. and curious about how we're going to present it in the seminar, because, obviously that's why we went, because of foucault.
went to see my father my lord which was shown in the jewish film festival. if that's a word, 'akin-esque' was maybe the camera, i liked the materiality. i also liked the actors partly. it was quite an easy plot and not overly edgy to be honest but it gave some very brutal comments on "religion over everything". some days ago i also saw ushpizin and that was really funny and beautifully tragic and comic. very old testament-esque if that is a word. went for an insightful drink with y. came back home 1.
was tired monday. slept. was angry about myself for falling for fucking mobile company mo****om. never ever go with that company. it is not usually my urge to bash (well, maybe yes) but this time, seriously, they're not what they're telling you.
edited my film eiszeit which will, and i am devastated about other parts of that arrangement, premier july 2nd at a forum of theatre students dealing with time, surprisingly enough.
communication
grmmmrrppps
grrrrrmmmpppps
ggggrmmmpssssssss
in my very little ear
there is the voice
the voice i hear
and in my little heart
there is a solid wall
a solid little wall and hard
and on this solid little wall
there sits a bird
a bird screams: "fall"
grmmmrrppps
grrrrrmmmpppps
ggggrmmmpssssssss
and oddly relieved i feel
when i hear i don't see
don't see how you seal
how you seal of your own
your own little heart
and my heart again alone
and the little bird still sings
and sings and wants to fly
and sitting i will be on its wings
grmmmrrppps
grrrrrmmmpppps
ggggrmmmpssssssss
food art and maximalized minimal pleasure
incidentally, i really like that stuff, otherwise i wouldn't have posted.
---
yesterday must have been one extraordinary day. i went to see a performance and i adored it! long time no see. it was a concert performance installation of art collective lose combo called braun light and it merged heiner müller's bildbeschreibung, morton feldman's why patterns? and a sound- and lightscape of transcendent quality. we sat in a big square room that had an upperfloor gallery where light patterns haunted the air. wooden chairs were placed loosely around a rather big box made of copper through which you could also walk and see the performers sitting inside behind woven copper. a huge wall was used as a projection screen that also mirrored in the box's surface. additionally there have been the musicians of trio nexus - piano, flute and percussion. it was beautiful beyond belief. sitting there in a strange untimed time and letting the images slowly come and leave. the installation wanted so little of me, that's how i felt. it gave options and let me be. i often closed my eyes and just listened to the sounds or would find myself being drawn into blurred lightpatterns in the box's surface. it was seductive in a sense that it, be it the music, the sounds, the light or the reading voices, cracked open something inside me that is rarely seen by myself - i let myself be. in a sense i was floating in a sea of associations that conquered a strangely timeless or other-timed space. all that was done had a quality of just being there, emerging and going without necessarily forcing me to attach some kind of meaning or representational form of thought. now, that is something exciting! i loved it.
---
now something that sounds so very important i always had the urge to say or write it: i started shooting my new film. the working title is eiszeit. can't say more now but i am really excited.
one book
another book
