unlistlessness
a - great deal of things were nice
b - ut i missed
c - olouring my own
d - reams and
e - nigmas and
f - inishing things the way i like
g - ood in fact was the
h - ermetic feeling, or not,
i - nside but not too
j - oyful at times
k - i said to myself
l - et it not get to you too much
m - emories of how things had happened before did
n - ot stop me from making the same mistakes again
o - ver and over
p - lease, i said to myself
q - uit
r - idiculing yourself
s - omeday there will be moments without
t - ension. moments of
u - nbelievable calm. and behind my
v - eil i
w - ished for
x - rays i could use for screening
y - our thoughts and hearts
z - oom into them for details
of soul power and fig trees, maybe
met m. today for a screening of fig trees, a sort of opera-documentary about hiv/aids and activism in the fight against it that structurally worked as a opera and/or musical. pretty much unsure of what to make of it.
i see (well, obviously i see ...) the poignant wish to depict difficult topics as something cynically, or not even that, perhaps only humorously, wrapped. i felt that the tendency to do that was also there in השמצה/defamation. generally there is not much to be held against this but my own feeling of sickness while watching it in a room full of people who seemed to think that a group of israeli students in front of the "arbeit macht frei"-gate posing for a keepsake, not saying "chesse" but a chorus-"auschwitz", was an uproariously funny joke. actually i really liked the movie but found watching it in the cinema rather difficult, but maybe that is part of the process of thinking about it.
berlinale will all be over soonish. i can't say i am as relieved by the prospect as maybe i would rationally rather be. well, but then again we have a lot of exiting things ahead of us still, as of tomorrow the filmic oevre by ludwig schönherr will be shown for the first time in public.
i can now sign my posts as an academic. i only will have to convince the prüfungsbüro about the necessity of getting rid of that A.
saw man tänker sitt again.
of burrowing
going back from potsdamer platz to my flat tonight was rather strange. a sort of alertness found its way back into my brain (... actually i just wrote "may brain" ... maybe may then). i am glad it has, to be perfectly honest.
alert indeed i was some days ago by the picture that was, in a packet of posters, sent to the forum office and on display in its wrapping some hours. intrigued i thought that this must be my favourite movie of the programm. i never even knew, then, what it was about, by whom, etc. tonight i finally made it to a screening of man tänker sitt (burrowing) and can say i was rarely as moved as with this debut by fredrik wenzel, henrik hellström. this depiction of solitude/loneliness/vulnerability/subliminal violence was so modestly brilliant and breathtakingly shot. the character of sebastian, a young boy, leaves traces of his whimsical, 'naive' wisdom in the narrational structure by overvoices. feeling of being vulnerable oneself as a viewer because of the ordinariness of situations and places. structurally you might judge sebastian's way of looking at things as something that will pass, some wishful thinking - as in the notion of his hope that his own loneliness is something that might be dealt with later in his life as he sort of settles professionally, emotionally. this inert wish striked me as so human. the cinematography as one way of staging the seclusion was just wonderful. but then this paradox of this hope he maybe carries within himself for himself (?) clashes with the precise descriptions of everyday suburban horrors he gives.
writing this now makes me think i should have just said nothing as what i was going through during the screening was just beyond words. which in itself might be something that helps to sensually grasp the lack of humanness in human interactions. man tänker sitt, if i understood correctly, means something like "everybody has their own thoughts". we have. yes. we have.
the aforementioned "unification" during berlinale only goes so far. wondering how the area around potsdamer platz would actually look like seen from above. because additionally to a zillion posters and billboards comes a lighting strategy that sort of stars out from potsdamer platz through all the streets on which there is some berlinale-connected building. remarkable as usual - despite all those lamps being red the ones for talent campus are pink.
a red center, a beating heart of humanness or lack thereof.
all expanded
trying for the third time to start this post i realize that maybe there is nothing much to say besides stressing the notion of expanded in my current life.
lucky me shared a car for the openings on friday with team of forum expanded, stefanie, nanna and uli, expanded by barbara hammer and michael snow, later marie losier and sebastien sanz de santamaria. what i loved when i actually saw the exhibitions was pavel büchler at tanya leighton gallery and i am very much looking forward to being at the artist talk with them tomorrow. karoe goldt's piece in galerie antje wachs was sort of really sad. eyes die. i find that utterly disturbing.
a must see - ludwig schönherr. i love his work. the exhibiton (as the installation in filmhaus and the filmprogramm curated by marc siegel) in halle a/14 is really something else, seriously. anything structural/chaotic that resonates within you should call you to that place. and once you're there, have a closer look at bill viola's "transfiguration" in haunch of venison. it is beautiful beyond belief.
being 'inside' the festival as somebody working there makes me feel like michel de certeau again ... no kidding, looking down at potsdamer platz from the office is ridiculous sometimes and you wish corporate design was never created, though i do believe that this year's design is sort of sweet and subliminally very much fitting the notion of unified masses hustling down unified streets in their unified ways of feeling utterly busy and important.
but tv-man on super-big screen inside sony centre said "die stimmung ist gut am potsdamer platz".
i'll go get some sleep now and hopefully will dream of that summer day when there's nothing to do besides having eyes and heart open again. maybe there will be water, too, a lake with a view or a drenching curtain that'll transfigure me back into something b/w.
you can have a look at the other forum expanded events (films, exhibitions, performances, talks, tours ...) here. don't miss "farewell" by stefan zeyen in the black box at filmhaus! and - do enjoy marie losier's gorgeous "movie boxes".
one book
another book
